We are born women, but moms, we may become.. How can we build this role, while keeping intact our other many identities? Career, love, friendship, sisterhood, sport, volunteering.. Women, can we find a balance? Does this balance even exist? Analysis of an apparent contradiction.
"You can't have it all"
Growing up, we find ourselves all wearing new roles; sometimes we change them like snakes change their skin; at other times we accumulate them like the layers of an onion.
"You can't have it all," I was repeatedly told. "You'll have to choose." And I stubbornly insisted, out of contradictory spirit mostly.
I distinctly remember when I went to the office to show my newborn babies. I saw a golden aura around me, as if the stars were suddenly aligned.
And then, when I came back to work to work, the roles added up, and the first real challenges hit me.
Which of these moments have been more difficult in assuming your new role as a parent?
Discussing your working hours;
Juggling between day care centers and baby sitters;
Fumbling unlikely solutions to cover the summer closure, the strikes, the sicknesses..
Calling the doctor's office months in advance so to have the vaccines' appointment after 5 p.m.;
Counting your available days off to see if you can use one to go to the school party, because last year you got there too late;
The eternal never being there enough;
Getting dressed in the laundry, because you still haven't had the time to put your dry clothes away..
"You can't have it all." And there I am, looking for counter-examples, for different possibilities; 'cause I don't like to choose. I have a hard time when there are more than two dishes at the restaurant.
And when no one sees me, I caress the doubt: what should I give up? Is it really inevitable that if I'm a woman, and a mom, I can't also be all the other identities I'm wearing? Because I feel more onion than snake.