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Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too (How to Help Your Child) Paperback – 1 Jan. 2012

by Adele Faber (Author), Elaine Mazlish (Author)
4.5 out of 5 stars 2,712 ratings
Do your children argue some of or most of the time? Do you struggle as a parent to manage conflict between them? Then you are not alone - and parenting experts are here to help.

Part of the internationally bestselling How to Talk... parenting series, this use -friendly guide is filled with tested and practical guidelines for how to cope with - and deflect - sibling rivalry.

Whether your children are struggling with unhealthy competition, or with jealousy and resentment, or you are unsure of how to help as a parent, this accessible book is filled with top tips, relatable stories and forward-thinking techniques designed to transform how your children interact with one another.
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  1. Print length
    272 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publisher
    Lagom
  4. Publication date
    1 Jan. 2012
  5. Reading age
    18 years and up
  6. Dimensions
    12.9 x 1.6 x 19.8 cm
  7. ISBN-10
    1853406309
  8. ISBN-13
    978-1853406300
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Product description

Amazon Review

"Helping your children live together so you can live too.""The fighting drives me up the wall." … "I get along fine with each child individually but when the two of them are together I can't stand either one of them" … "I don't know what will happen first--either they'll kill each other or I'll kill them".

How many of you have felt like this? Be honest with yourselves. Who can remember being at loggerheads with brothers and/or sisters? Who believes that sibling rivalry is something that only happens to other people's children?

It is a widespread problem that involves competition, envy, resentment and personal frustrations to name but a few factors. Where does it all begin? What is the worst about sibling rivalry and, conversely, what is the best about it? If any of these statements strikes a chord, then read this book. It is easy to follow, humorous and sympathetic, illustrated with amusing cartoons and the authors draw on personal experiences and research findings to show ways to teach children how to get along, "to lead rivals towards peace."

The information and advice is practical and down to earth and deals with, among other things, how to resist the urge to compare, how to realise that brothers and sisters need to have their feelings about each other acknowledged and how to handle the fighting.

The main thrust of the book is to treat your children according to their individual needs, rather than absolutely equally: "Children don't need to be treated equally; they need to be treated uniquely", say Faber and Mazish. "Instead of giving equal time, give time according to need" and "Resist the urge to compare" or "Avoid unfavourable comparisons" is their main advice. With such sound, down-to-earth wisdom at the heart of the book, it is easy to see why this was number one on the New York Times best seller list and it is a book which any parent affected by sibling rivalry will find invaluable. --Susan Naylor

About the Book
"A very human book about one of the toughest problems parents have to handle." --Dr Benjamin Spock, author of the renowned Dr Spock's Baby and Child Care

About the Authors
Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish are internationally acclaimed award-winning experts who lecture and create group workshop programmes on adult/child communication. Their books have been printed in 20 languages and have sold more than three million copies.

Review

'Full of insights and techniques that can help restore harmony in warring households.'--Time Out 'No peace-loving parent should be without a copy.'--Good Housekeeping One of the ten best parenting books chosen by The Independent.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Lagom
  • Publication date ‏ : ‎ 1 Jan. 2012
  • Edition ‏ : ‎ 1st. New Edition : 1st. Printing
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Print length ‏ : ‎ 272 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1853406309
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1853406300
  • Item weight ‏ : ‎ 204 g
  • Reading age ‏ : ‎ 18 years and up
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 12.9 x 1.6 x 19.8 cm
  • Customer reviews:
    4.5 out of 5 stars 2,712 ratings

About the authors

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  1. Adele Faber

    Adele Faber

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    Adele Faber is an internationally acclaimed, award-winning expert on adult-child communication. She lectures nationwide, and her group workshop programs are used by thousands of groups throughout the world to improve communication between children and adults.

    See more on the author's page
  2. Elaine Mazlish

    Elaine Mazlish

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  3. John W. Gardner

    John W. Gardner

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Customer reviews

4.5 out of 5 stars
2,712 global ratings

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Customers say

Customers find this parenting book essential reading, praising its practical advice and first-hand examples. Moreover, they appreciate its easy-to-follow strategies and report that it works effectively, with one customer noting immediate success with their 5-year-old son.

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45 customers mention ‘Readability’44 positive1 negative

Customers find the book highly readable, describing it as essential reading that must be read by every parent.

"What a fantastic book, I only wish I'd known and read it years earlier...." Read more

"...A truly amazing book. I also bought "How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk", which is equally brilliant." Read more

"...Definitely a worth while read." Read more

"I love this series of books...." Read more

43 customers mention ‘Knowledge’43 positive0 negative

Customers find the book provides great advice and makes sense, with first-hand examples throughout. One customer mentions it serves as an invaluable tool for foster carers.

"...We talked for 2 hours the four of us, very productively and honestly fir the first time ever...." Read more

"...It really makes you think from there perspective and gives so many wonderful examples to relate to...." Read more

"...However it doesn't detract from the fact that it offers excellent advice...." Read more

"...There are some wonderful ideas in here that really will make the world of difference on how a family relate to each other and live together in peace..." Read more

8 customers mention ‘Ease of follow’6 positive2 negative

Customers find the book easy to follow, with accessible guidance and strategies.

"...For those whose children resent each other. I found this book easy to read." Read more

"...I'll have to re read it when they're older. Format is easy to follow" Read more

"A definite good buy! A bit hard to follow with a very conservative, old school Eastern European spouse but - this does not change the..." Read more

"Good condition used book. It's really helpful and easy to understand." Read more

6 customers mention ‘Effectiveness’6 positive0 negative

Customers find the book effective, with one mentioning it worked immediately with their 5-year-old son.

"...The result so far is amazing, for the next couple of hours all you could hear from them both was chatting and laughing, and they even made muffins..." Read more

"...really pleased to see the advice I have put into practice so far work like a dream and I will be reading it until it falls apart in my hands,..." Read more

"...and it works. my daughters have such a great relationship. And I notice I dont get dragged into thier squabbles which are few and far between." Read more

"...is an absolute god send and makes so much sense, it worked immediately with my 5 year old son. I keep going back to it as a reference...." Read more

Top reviews from United Kingdom

  • Luna
    5.0 out of 5 stars Siblings without rivalry
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 2 March 2015
    Verified Purchase
    What a fantastic book, I only wish I'd known and read it years earlier. I have two daughters aged 17 & 16 born just under 13 months apart and it was getting to the stage where we couldn't even sit to eat dinner at our table together without a war between the two if them. I read the first 4 chapters late on a Saturday evening and then felt confident to ask for a family meeting that Sunday evening knowing I could not continue as we had been doing. We talked for 2 hours the four of us, very productively and honestly fir the first time ever. I found myself saying things like " I know how that must-have made you feel" & "how do you both suggest that this can be worked out". The result so far is amazing, for the next couple of hours all you could hear from them both was chatting and laughing, and they even made muffins together. Something they haven't done together since they were small. They both even told us of the things they were grateful of us for, which made us feel that we were doing something right. Thank you so much fir this enlightenment. I have just purchased how to talk so teens will listen and listen so teens will talk. Looking forward to reading that one but won't start right now as its 2.40am as had to finish this one within 24 hours as couldn't put it down.
    36 people found this helpful
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  • C. Sanderson
    5.0 out of 5 stars Amazing book
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 26 March 2013
    Verified Purchase
    After the toddler years and with a sibling now in the family I was looking for a book to help me through the next stages of childhood and I'm so glad I chose this book. My son was 3 and a half when I purchased this book and I felt like I was constantly telling him off, something I had rarely needed to do before his brother arrived. It really makes you think from there perspective and gives so many wonderful examples to relate to.

    Whenever I feel like I'm reverting to my old ways - usually when I'm telling one or both children off a lot - I refer back to the book and put myself back on track.

    A truly amazing book.

    I also bought "How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk", which is equally brilliant.
    4 people found this helpful
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  • Loki
    4.0 out of 5 stars Annoying but good advice
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 11 April 2015
    Verified Purchase
    I do agree with the posters who objected to the books style - it's very American and very annoying. However it doesn't detract from the fact that it offers excellent advice. The updated version has a section at the back for younger children too, which I found very useful as much of the main body of text is for dealing with children who have good language skills. I've been really pleased to see the advice I have put into practice so far work like a dream and I will be reading it until it falls apart in my hands, irritating or not.
    17 people found this helpful
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  • Paul
    5.0 out of 5 stars Essential reading
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 28 October 2019
    Verified Purchase
    I read this after reading how to talk so little kids will listen. Essentially it's an extension of the sibling rivalry section in the first book and it really does cover everything you need to know about managing sibling rivalry. There are some wonderful ideas in here that really will make the world of difference on how a family relate to each other and live together in peace and harmony. I've been using a great deal of strategies from both books and even though bickering still happens regularly, it's dealt with quickly, and the children are starting to deal with problems themselves peacefully! Definitely a worth while read.
    4 people found this helpful
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  • Thomas
    5.0 out of 5 stars Good read
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 12 December 2023
    Verified Purchase
    Clear steps on how to deal with situations. Plenty of examples and stories given. Looking forward to trying out these techniques
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  • F. Turner
    5.0 out of 5 stars Great reference for parents who don't want their kids to hate each other!
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 6 January 2014
    Verified Purchase
    I bought this book when my second child was born. Having grown up in a house where my brother and I hated each other (and we still are not terribly fond of each other!), I wanted to make sure my children viewed each other as allies and not enemies. This book helped me understand why my brother and I had so much anomosity towards each other when were growing up - he was praised as the talented-one when it came to sports and music whilst I was always seen as the good student. We couldn't shake those labels and like my most parents, I am sure mine had no idea what they were doing by pigeon-holing us into those roles. I have been much more careful with my own children as a result of reading this book. There are clear strengths with both of my children - one is very keen on music whilst the other not so much but that doesn't mean the second one can't enjoy music too. And it also taught me not to force or pressure them into doing things just because they have a talent in that area. It's important that they both try anything and everything that interests them and never feel inferior for doing so.
    32 people found this helpful
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  • mmcay
    4.0 out of 5 stars Would still recommend.
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 22 January 2018
    Verified Purchase
    Can be more concise (maybe too many discussions and examples?) but interesting take-aways. I read this in advance of the arrival of baby no 2 so have not “tested” the theories yet. Would still recommend.
    2 people found this helpful
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  • Zeph
    5.0 out of 5 stars A Must Have For All Parents
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 9 January 2013
    Verified Purchase
    I love this series of books. They should really be titled 'How to Communicate - Siblings etc' as the skills they teach are primarily about communication in general and this can be applied to any situation in life from raising children to communicating with work colleagues. It's amazing how such a simple and obvious communication style can be so hard to learn and apply. It really is like re-educating the way we all naturally think and react/respond. The examples are invaluable. Thankyou Adele and Elaine for changing my, and my families, lives in such a positive way.
    2 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

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  • Michelle T Wallon
    5.0 out of 5 stars Very useful book!
    Reviewed in Italy on 4 December 2017
    Verified Purchase
    This book is like an instruction manual for parenting. It provides very specific and clear steps for changing the way we communicate with children. When I made the changes described in the book, it had an immediate, positive effect!
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  • Clara
    5.0 out of 5 stars Amazing, powerful book
    Reviewed in Canada on 21 April 2024
    Verified Purchase
    Recommend this to anyone who has or is planning to have multiple children, or even those who want to process their own sibling experiences. It is such a practical and powerfully insightful book
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  • Marisa
    5.0 out of 5 stars WOOOOW
    Reviewed in Mexico on 11 September 2018
    Verified Purchase
    Excelente libro....TOP 3 libro para recomendar a papás con un segundo hijo en camino!!!! Increíble todo lo que presentan y la manera en la que lo hacen. expresa totalmente el sentir de los padres y las soluciones. Muy muy recomendado!!!
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  • Richard Fernandez
    5.0 out of 5 stars Awesome book for professionals and parents alike
    Reviewed in Germany on 14 August 2022
    Verified Purchase
    This book is full of great stories and ideas, and is very useful to even those with education or child development backgrounds. Exercises can be tried right away at home. Great way to help clients. Highly recommend.
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  • Maartje
    4.0 out of 5 stars inspirerend boek met handige direct toepasbare voorbeelden
    Reviewed in the Netherlands on 14 June 2023
    Verified Purchase
    leuk boek, vol afwisselende voorbeelden zit die je goed als ouder helpen om in te zien hoe het ook anders kan met weinig moeite. geschreven in vlotte stijl met humor.
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