Mothers light up when they have to talk about their offspring and related joys and sorrows.. But what do men think about becoming a dad? Behind their silence, do they really hide a true hassle for such feminine occupation, or maybe … ? Is it really that hard for them? If you are a dad, from the “not yet but maybe a day” level to the”Yes several times” one, then this interview is for you. If you’re a mom, here’s a point of view that could explain many things..
Becoming a dad – the first time
Becoming a dad the first time was.. Well, there was the novelty effect, it was all very exciting. I really enjoyed attending the prenatal classes, and paying attention to the reactions and questions of the other couples; feeling that atmosphere of preoccupied excitement.
Then childbirth.. Watching as your child comes to the world is an indescribable thrill, and at the same time it feels like a normal thing in life. An extraordinarily natural phenomenon.
I am glad to have witnessed and seen everything; that’s something you don’t want to miss.
Those first days you’re as suspended in a time that has stopped; with such a tiny baby, that’s yours, you can’t just stay indifferent, regardless of how much you’re a rational, thick-skinned guy.
Becoming a dad – on time and poop
At first, everything seems to go pianissimo, everything laid-back, easy and under control, and then you’re screwed.
Take the poop for example: when your baby poops for the first time, you laugh. It’s so small! What’s all the fuss about poop?
But give it a few days of milk and it looks like a lion’s work!
Luckily you get a lot of practice and end up not thinking about it anymore.
It changes your life
At first you seem to have everything under control. You remember all those dads who’d told you “wait and see, a child changes your life, after you can no longer do certain things..!”
And you think it will be different for you; it’s just a matter of enough motivation and organization.
Because at the beginning, the baby eats and sleeps and you don’t have to do anything. You carry it almost anywhere.
But then, slowly, and very gradually, you start realizing that more and more things are no longer possible..
They were right. It’s not like before. Screwed.
Then, after a phase of rebellion and difficulty, in which you’d like to escape very far away and send just a few postcards, you finish by accepting and integrating the new rhythms.
Just in time: because these then accelerate as the child grows!
Biology has done a good job : whenever you can’t see your children, it kills you. But then, as soon as you see them..
In a matter of 20 minutes, you remember why you accepted that job mission in Patagonia, trying to pass it as a truly indispensable step for your career yith your wife.
Becoming a dad – the second time
The difficult aspects are quickly forgotten, it is incredibly amazing. Sleepless nights; colic and all the crying; diarrhea out of the diaper, and the regurgitation on your clean shirt right before you leave for the office..
Swooped, they vanish from your brain. Just like that, you stop thinking about it.
In fact, I remember very well that when my second child was born, the first thing that jumped to my mind was the smell of clean diapers as soon as I opened the new box.
So that made me relive everything. I just blessed the wet wipes and who invented them. How could people have children before?
Feel like we could keep in contact? Come on in 🙂
On mom’s milk
Breast milk, all dads secretly want to taste it.. Do it absolutely! An unexpected taste, something so mysterious.
Mystery and tenderness
But the most mysterious thing remains how children can learn things so quickly. How they start to walk for instance!
And those little legs, that from crooked suddenly straighten up! A magic.
The tenderness of their smiles, and the hands that automatically close on your finger..
Another really nice thing, honestly, was holding the baby with a baby carrier.
If you’re becoming a dad, forget those expensive and bulky prams, the new-age wraps, and all those accessories that turn out useless.
Reduce to the mere necessary – for example, with a baby carrier. They are easy to wear and use, the children sleep very well inside, and it’s great to have your baby so close to you.
Connected: A Guide to prenatal purchases.
Becoming a dad – important notice
1. Beware of moms: they go through a severe hormonal upheaval that completely destabilizes them. Being able to stay close to them will not be easy but essential for survival.
2. When you feel down, like you want to abandon everything and close yourself in a convent for meditation; for example when you want to do something you previously enjoyed but you can’t, think that this only lasts for a short period of time.
The difficult phase goes from 6 months to 4 years. Then you’re safe.
I think the newborn phase is nice and tender but uninteresting. Instead, from the 5-6 years and up, that’s the Golden Age, where you can discuss, talk, play games.. And they make you drawings with written “dad I love you”, which is frankly awesome.
Why not joining our community of parents for mutual support ?
Becoming a dad – are you afraid?
I have never been afraid of not being good enough, I always thought “If so many have succeeded, then it must not be so difficult!”
In general, I try not to repeat the same mistakes of my parents, but to make new ones; so at least there’s a bit of variety!
Then I think that for children, it is essential that we are their unlimited source of safety, love and affection; that we are a clear reference point. And for that, the rules are fundamental.
To enforce them, just don’t let your wife see you!
No comment by the undersigned wife
Connected: a speech on the importance of rules.
What I didn’t expect, though, was that I didn’t realize how tiring it could be. That constant fatigue that sticks to you, a workload that increases gradually but steadily.
To manage it, it is important to get some help whenever possible, take turns, and take it easy.
To all the women who give you advice, always answer “yes” with the look of someone who just had a profound revelation. She’ll be so proud, and you’ll look like the cool, open-minded guy. She’ll never know you were secretly thinking about last night’s match.
And then as soon as you can, go and talk about dad’s life with other dads to relax. That’s really great.
When your toddler screams laying on the ground, instead of just saying that he wanted the small spoon instead of the big one; remind yourself it only lasts a few more years.
My daughter, now that she’s 5, hides so well when we play hide and seek that I can’t find her. It’s wonderful! A challenge.
Becoming a dad – what if you don’t want to?
If you don’t feel it, then it’s better to wait.
However, I would add: it is wise to think that our desires today do not necessarily match with our future ones. You might regret it.
Resources and references
I share with you some articles that I have taken as a reference, and useful readings as always! Links to Amazon in this page are affiliate links.
But first, I ask you 3 things:
Share this post if you found it useful!
What do you think? I’d really like to hear about your experience 🙂
You liked the article and you’re interested in joining the club and receiving food for thoughts and inspiring suggestions directly in your inbox? It’s over here!
The 40 ways-becoming a dad can make you a better person – to take a future perspective!
On the same note, read the best things about fatherhood – ironic and sweet at the same time.
And of course the inverse of the point of view: What you want to know before becaming a dad
- This is a very thorough directory with links to several topics on fatherhood, by Health Direct Australia
- And the same for Family Lives UK
Note : I haven’t personally read them, but I spent some time checking customers’ reviews of many books and made a selection of those I feel comfortable in suggesting these, as I would if offering them to a friend.
The author is dad and blogger, and his book‘s having a real success. It has tons of reviews, all positive, about its funny and yet true vision of life with a baby.
I’d start with this one! Laughter is the best medicine 🙂
This is first time dad’s guide, where the author details every month of pregnancy until the first 2 months after birth, explaining what happens, what to expect, and practical tips.
I especially liked that reviewers say it doesn’t present the stereotyped version of a dad.
If you’re a football or soccer lover, than this book‘s for you. It doesn’t have tons of reviews, but they are all positive!
The author metaphorically describes pregnancy, birth and baby’s first year as if it was a football season, with all the terminology involved.
- To really complete my carousel of suggestions, I also picked this recite about a gay couple’s journey to adoption. As it doesn’t only talk about fatherhood, nor about the difficult process of adoption; but also, about the doubts and fears about doing something completely new.
26 thoughts on “Becoming a dad. A chat about fatherhood”
I loved every word of your article! You had me smiling the entire time:) My husband and I are expecting our fourth this May and we are so excited! This brought back memories for me when we just became new parents and had no idea what we were doing. It was a hard transitions. But, now that we have (a lot) more experience I just love every moment! “Beware of moms: they go through a severe hormonal upheaval that completely destabilizes them. Being able to stay close to them will not be easy but essential for survival.” This totally made me laugh-so true!!!
Oh Megan so happy to hear you’re happily expecting your fourth baby!! Awesome!! You must really have gained so much experience.. Thank you for sharing your experience!
What an interesting read! Pretty nice to read things from a dad’s perspective. I had to chuckle about the breast milk, though!
I know, a bit unconventional but hey.. it’s part of life, too 🙂
Your article reminded me of the many reasons I don’t have kids. Lol. But it was really refreshing to hear from a father’s perspective. It’s pretty rare to read that.
LOL!! What aspects in particular?? 🙂 🙂 Yes my husband was happy to share.. and be honest about the whole thing!!
We all talk about mothers and their role and influence in a child’s life.
Which of course us so true. Comparatively less thought is given to the immense difference the Dad makes in shaping up the child’s life. Great reading.
I have seen way more mom blogs than dad blogs and I find your perspective very refreshing and honest. Parenting is such an admirable thing because if you think about it, you’re raising the future and shaping the lives of the youth.
Yep it is.. I guess that’s why it is so hard?
I love this so much! Fathers are often forgotten about throughout the whole process, but their role is so important!
Thank you Candace!
I love this! WOW! Finally a dad’s perspective on mothering lol. Just kidding. I love your honesty on tasting breast milk too. Most men will never admit it or think it’s deviant. Why not it right! As an OB nurse, I often wonder what men really think! Thank you for putting this in perspective and if you ever want me to share this on the OB Nursing section of my personal blog, I’d be happy to do so!
Thank you Debra! I’d be happy if you find this useful to your readers, of course!
Breast milk…Really!!! And you have to let that cat out of the bag? I beg to plead the fifth on that.
LOL.. Well, honesty is honesty right? 😉
Lovely article on the perspective of children from fatherhood. My husband has always been wonderful with our children. It came pretty naturally to him as he has several young siblings who he helped care for while growing up.
I think it’s so important write and read parenting articles from a Dads perspective as it simply is different from a mothers perspective. It is a great way to understand how the fathers in your life have felt while watching their children come into the world and grow.
Thank you Lindsay, yes I also found it useful to ask my husband about his experience and I’m glad he accepted to share it on my blog.. It is just a different way of approaching parenthood.
Nice to hear a mans perspective on fatherhood and rarely do we get insight on their thoughts and feelings. Dads are important too! Great post!
Loved this post! I personally can’t wait to have a father. Don’t even care which one (although I’m fairly certain our first will be a girl..it’s just a feeling I have).
Many of my friends have kids and they all talk about how I “won’t ever be ready”, but I think it’s important to be prepared. Luckily, my wife’s been in the child daycare business for over 2 decades, so I basically have the cheat codes for taking care of babies. She’ll teach me stuff, I’ll probably forget it and the baby will scream, then she’ll remind me, and I’ll learn. I can’t wait to be a Dad!
Oh it’s great that your wife can teach you so much Johnny! I’m sure you’ll make a great dad 🙂
This is a great perspective to read as a mom and get some insight into what my husband has been thinking since becoming a dad. I will say, he doesn’t really like using the baby carrier for some reason. He leaves that up to me.
Oh no too bad he doesn’t like it! For us, it ended being kind of a necessity as at some point, the baby was just to heavy for me to carry without my back hurting, so my husband took the lead, and ended up enjoying it a lot. It probably helps that where we live, so many dads carry their kids.
That was an enjoyable article to read for several reasons. For one, I’m the father of two girls so I did get to experience it all, Twice. Second, you rarely hear the view of parenthood from the fathers perspective and it’s an important one. If you’re a dad who goes into the office in the morning and comes home at night your role is one similar to a relief pitcher in baseball. You come home from the office in the bottom of the ninth inning and your wife needs you to save this game for her. She’s been struggling through inning after inning and now she needs you. Come on in and save this for us! 🙂 I enjoyed each age for a different reason but I agree that 5 and on or even 3 and on is great. They really start to develop a personality and you can see them trying to figure things out and really start to “get things”. Great read.
Thanks for sharing Scott! How old are your girls now? Yes you’re totally right about the role of a relief pitcher.. as a mom, I was really impatiently waiting to get somebody to help me just stay without a baby in my arms for a few minutes!! LOL 😉
Comments are closed.